LETTERS FROM THE WEST: That Old Flame

Pete—

I know we haven’t talked in a while, but I wanted to send you a message to see how things are going for you. I had dinner with Tommy earlier this week and, funny story, he mentioned that you were in town last week and you guys hung out. Is that true? I find that pretty hard to believe because you swore to me before I moved to Los Angeles that you would "only come to Los Angeles to see me—but, I’d have to get over hate for Los Angeles if I ever want to see you again.” Now, I don’t know what foul play is going on, but I’m suspecting that you got over you’re hate for Los Angeles! I understand that my getting a new cellular phone number for work may have thrown you off, but I’ve texted you before (and you’ve texted back), so I thought you had my number. Maybe you thought I was out of town or didn’t want to be too begrudging because we both know I have a terrifically busy schedule. I hope you had a great time out here in Los Angeles and, next time you are in town for vacation, let me know, as I’d like to grab some coffee with you and catch up and show you all the good things LA has to offer :) Hope all is well. Miss you <3

bt

LETTERS FROM THE WEST: High-School-Friend-Turned-College-Roommate

Dear Neal,

So, I understand that you are thinking about moving to Los Angeles, yes? My mom mentioned that to me when we last spoke. She also mentioned she ran into your mom, who asked her to ask me for some advice regarding moving to Los Angeles. She said you wanted to go to USC for graduate school for film--is that right? (Or, am I making this all up?)

In any event, I don't think your moving out here would be a good thing. Now, I know you may feel ready and prepared to "make the move," but it wouldn't be right for you. Remember in college when you were a freshman and lived with me for your first year? And, at the end of that year, you transferred back home to the university my mother now attends for "continuing studies," because you couldn't "handle the big city"? You remember that?

Well, if you don't remember, I do. I remember you whining about how you hated living in the city and how you would drive home every weekend to see your family and how you never left the apartment to explore or do anything but watch television and play with action figures. Now--call me crazy--but for someone who couldn't handle the "big city" in a small city for six months , I don't think you are going to fair well in Los Angeles at all.

Yes, you can drive. Yes, you enjoy movies. Yes, you may even know a thing or two about working a mini-DV camera. But--I'm sorry, Neal--city living is likely not for you. And, Los Angeles is a huge fucking city on the opposite end of the United States, so you will not be able to drive back home so your mother can do laundry for you and make you "feel better" about yourself and your life choices. That doesn't happen.

I recommend you hanging back home with your family and to keep dressing up with James, Barbie, and Morgan to see those comic book films at the Regal 16. Maybe fly out West for Comic-Con one day. However, don't get too attached: I do not recommend your moving out here. LA is a dog-eat-dog alternate universe--and you are a runt. Don't even think about it.

In Christ's Love,

Raymond

PS. How about them Dodgers?