Conversation based on actual conversation.
ASSISTANT 1: I don’t know how much longer I can take it here. I don’t.
ASSISTANT 2: You can do it, man. Don’t beat yourself up: things are going to work out soon.
ASSISTANT 3: What are you talking about? What’s your problem, man?
ASSISTANT 1: Ya know, I just can’t deal with this job. All this unnecessary stress, no time for myself, I’m just creatively stunted, I have no friends as a result—it just sucks.
ASSISTANT 3: Well, you have us. And, it isn’t really that bad. I think it’s great.
ASSISTANT 2: Really? You think it’s great practically sucking someone’s dick everyday and wiping your boss’ ass, because he’s forgotten how to?
ASSISTANT 3: Yeah, I love it here. I love my job and think it’s a great place to be. You guys have to remember: it is a recession. We should be lucky to have jobs.
ASSISTANT 2: Fuck the recession: I moved to Los Angeles to be a rock star. And what have I got? Coffee and tea for a bunch of TV execs, none of which care, remember, or will help me out with my music career.
ASSISTANT: 3: That’s not true—I’m sure someone here would be more than willing to help out.
ASSISANT 1: No, I highly doubt that.
ASSISTANT 3: Why is that?
ASSISTANT 1: Remember that time I was taking classes at Upright Citizen’s Brigade every Saturday and I had to skip three classes because of “shooting,” a.k.a. buying lunch for my boss and sitting around set all day?
ASSISTANT 3: Wow. Bummer, man.
ASSISTANT 2: See, you must not want to do anything with your life. How can you be so laxed about this place?
ASSISTANT 3: I like it. I think it’s the perfect place to be. I want to be a producer one day, so its great for me.
ASSISTANT 1 & 3: What?
ASSISTANT 3: Yeah, I like working here. I think it’ll be great for me to work up the ladder here.
ASSISTANT 2: I don’t think I can take this anymore.
ASSISTANT 1: You’re just one of them.
ASSISTANT 3: No, I’m not!
ASSISTANT 1: Yes, you are. You just want to be some higher up who only cares about his money and selling shit and lying to people. You make me sick.
ASSISTANT 2: Yeah, man: good luck to you.
ASSISTANT 3: When I’m in my mid-thirties, making over $200K a year doing little work, with my sweet house, hot wife, maybe a kid (probably not), and a stable job—you guys enjoy your jobs waiting tables and attempting to “make it.”
PAUSE
ASSISTANT 1: Wow. Jerk.
ASSISTANT 2: Fuck face.
ASSISTANTS 1 & 2 LEAVE THE BREAK ROOM
ASSISTANT 3: Pussies.
ASSISTANT 3 SIPS HIS COFFEE ALONE, READING DAILY VARIETY
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